Brokenstar The Den Renovator!
by CinderPeltLover
Summary: Brokenstar loves watching DenRenoTV. When he decides to try remodeling a house in a day, what's gonna happen, is he gonna blow up? No - first it'll go into his thighs! Then he'll blow up!


Brokenstar slumped back in his recliner and turned on his television. DenRenoTV was on. He had always admired those cats like Heathertail and Tigerheart who could redo an entire _camp_ in a quarter moon. Heck, then he should be able to do a den in a day, shouldn't he? Maybe it was like being an author, and not needing a degree to do it. _I'll stick with that thought. _He had heard that a couple wanted a home redo for their soon-to-come kits. He turned off the TV and got busy.

* * *

><p>"Hi!" Squirrelflight greeted Brokenstar, her belly bulging like it could explode at any given moment. She squinted her eyes. "I thought we hired Stormfur."<p>

An image of Stormfur tied up with an apple stuffed in his mouth came to mind. He pushed the thought away. "No, you hired me."

"Huh. Well, come in, just don't blow up the house."

* * *

><p>Brokenstar half-listened as Bramblestar and Squirrelflight debated about what to do, taking notes whenever someone won, which was mostly Squirrelflight. The house was to be painted <em>Mystic Blue<em>, except for the bedrooms, which were going to be decided later on and painted by the couple. They drew a den plan, and he nodded his head.

"We're going to her mother's!" Bramblestar called has he headed out. "Call Sandstorm if you need us!" Brokenstar nodded his head.

He clasped his paws together. "Let' get this started."

* * *

><p>Brokenstar pulled a machine gun out of nowhere and shot all of the drywall until it disintegrated, exposing all of the very good wiring done by experienced electrician Lightningtail.<p>

"This faulty wiring is bad! Bad bad bad! I have to get rid of it before their den explodes!" He chopped through the wiring with a double-bladed battle ax. Brokenstar replaced it with partially unraveled string and broken rubber bands. He 'secured' it with ordinary photo tape. He ran out quickly and used school glue instead.

"It's perfect!" He said while glue dripped from the 'wiring'. "Now I just need to test it."

He flipped a switch. A lightbulb on a fan exploded and the whole thing fell to the ground.

"It works great!"

He bought some very old drywall and applied it to make 'walls' with glue and a stapler. Not a staple gun, a stapler. He managed to break the stapler and make the bottle of glue explode.

Next, he went to a little hardware shop. He remembered _exactly_ what color they wanted. It was blue or something, wasn't it?

When he walked in, he yowled at the counter. "EXCUSE ME, WHAT'S THE CHEAPEST PAINT COLOR YOU HAVE?!"

The cat at the counter answered. "A mixture of, from greatest to least, _Bile Green_, _Heather Purple_, _Buttercream Yellow_, _Raging_ _Fire Orange_, _Navy Blue_, Black, _Blizzard Gray_, _Hot Pink_, _Mystic Blue_-"

"I'll take it."

Brokenstar simply splashed the paint on the white drywall, so when it dried it was very lumpy, and with the factors of the color, texture, and smell of the paint, it was almost as if someone had become very sick in that room. He let the paint dry the rest of the way, put the furniture back in, and called Bramblestar and Squirrelflight.

"Really?" Bramblestar questioned, stunned(in the happy way). "Are you telling us you finished our entire den in eight hours?"

"Yup!"

"Alright, we'll be there soon."

* * *

><p>The two cats walked in, stunned(in the NOT happy way). Squirrelflight walked in first.<p>

"I can't wait to see-What. Did. You. Do. TO. OUR. HOUSE?!"

"I remodeled it! Duh!"

Bramblestar stormed(Bramblestar and storm) in after her. "MORE LIKE DESTROYED IT! _Jayfeather_ could tell that's not _Mystic Blue_!"

And from far, far away, Jayfeather became angry, because he sensed someone used him for something.

Brokenstar snorted. "It has _Mystic Blue_ in it."

Squirrelflight scraped the wall a bit with her claws. All of the drywall on that section disintegrated as if Brokenstar pulled out a machine gun again.

"WHAT THE-" Squirrelflight clearly held herself back from cursing. Glue was still dripping from the strings.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you about that!"

"What happened to the wiring Lightningtail did?!"

"I got rid of it before your den exploded! That's what happens when you have super faulty wiring!"

Right as Brokenstar finished, as if on cue, the wiring exploded and the whole den became a massive fireball. Although the heat was felt eighty-seven miles away, everything was only singed and blackened. There was a little flame on Bramblestar's head. The couple looked at Brokenstar.

"Ha ha," He nervously laughed, "You look like Nightcloud and Breezepelt in _The Ultimate Guide_, except the one with amber eyes didn't have a little fire on their head...ha..."

* * *

><p>What dis they do with him after that, you may ask? Well, they bought a dunking booth and filled it with the <em>Bile Green<em> paint mixture Brokenstar used on their walls. They let anyone, even elders, come up to dunk Brokenstar in the ugly paint for free. Stormfur padded up, munching on the apple that had been stuffed in his mouth earlier, and he saw Bramblestar and Squirrelflight sitting back in lawn chairs with sodas, watching Brokenstar build the booth.

"Can I at least have a little water?" He rasped. It was a _very_ hot day.

"Nope," Squirrelflight answered while sipping her drink, "But you're welcome to drink the paint, if it doesn't kill you."

"I'll use my announcer's voice to get more cats to dunk him," Stormfur suggested. They all jumped.

Squirrelflight quickly recognized him. "Oh, it's you. Sure."

* * *

><p>After Brokenstar finished, Squirrelflight stood at the line, and Bramblestar stood by the target, Stormfur beside him. His announcer's blessing attracted many, many cats.<p>

"Hello there!" Squirrelflight greeted the first cat in line, who was a kit. "Oh, I remember you! You're Larchkit! Well, all you have to do is this: Throw this stone at the target, and if you hit it, Brokenstar will go down into the paint!"

Larchkit happily accepted the stone, threw, and missed. "Awww." Her ears drooped.

"Hey, it's okay!" Bramblestar punched the target. Larchkit squealed in delight as she clapped her paws and bounced up and down.

* * *

><p>The process continued until late at night. Everyone enjoyed it because if they got a hit or not, Brokenstar went down. Cinderpelt and her siblings especially liked it. Eventually, when Leopardstar hit it, the paint had solidified all of the way. Brokenstar had gone down and only his head wasn't under the surface.<p>

"Awwww," everyone behind Leopardstar complained.

"Hey!" Brokenstar struggled to get out of the rock-hard paint. "I'm stuck! I'LL SUE YOU WHEN I GET OUT! THE CHEMICALS IN THE PAINT WILL BURN AWAY MY FUR! I'LL SUE! _**SUE!**_" He kept yowling until Bramblestar climbed in an stuck some duct tape on his mouth. He slowly put pressure on the target. The seat that tilted to drop Brokenstar in the paint hit his forehead. He hit it harder. "Hey, it's okay!"

"Yaaaay!" Everyone behind Leopardstar cheered. What was unknown was if they were cheering because they could get a turn, or if Brokenstar shut up finally about suing everyone.

So now, you had to throw the stone to hit Brokenstar in the head. It was a great night for everyone.

* * *

><p>So that's the end? Nope! At least, not for fellow Heroes of Olympus fans! Yes, this should technically be a crossover, but still. S'okay.<p>

A burly guy was standing by Brokenstar, holding a white pouch, looking very nervous, but trying to calm himself down. "Okay, Brokenstar, I've known you for a while now..."

"Yes, Fai?" Brokenstar acknowledged. Frank turned red.

"Only my grandmother called me that! Just because you were her cat doesn't mean you can call me Fai! Anyway, I've been thinking..."

"Yes?"

"Well..."

"GET ON WITH IT, I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!"

"Okay, fine! I want you to have this." He handed over the pouch.

"What is it? Money? Access to your bank account?"

"No! It's my lifeline."

"You mean your retirement fund or your insurance?"

"Again, no! It's a piece of firewood, in a fireproof pouch. If the wood's burned," he made a cutthroat gesture.

"So this firewood can't burn? Doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose?"

"Just keep it safe for me, okay? I trust you."

Brokenstar nodded.

"Thanks." Frank walked out the door of the room.

As soon as he left, Brokenstar pulled a blowtorch he made himself and put it on 'smolder', and let it heat up while he took the wood out and threw the pouch over his shoulder. He picked up the blowtorch and let the heat directly on the firewood. He could hear agonized screams in the next room. Brokenstar laughed to himself evilly.

"Heh heh heh heh."

* * *

><p>Me: So what did you think?<p>

You: It ended?

Me: YUP

You: _*sniffsniff*_ I think I need to be alone for a while! _*runs away crying*_

And PS: I've only _heard_ of Lightningtail. I haven't even finished The Sun Trail, so please don't send in too many DotC cats in Win A Date With Cinderpelt 2!.


End file.
